“No matter a person’s literal age, each soul is truly ancient; thus, each person has the potential of awakening to the presence of the “inner elder,” or the sage within the heart.”

Michael Meade, Elders are Bridges

As much as I love this quote—and I do, very much—my guess is that some people might read it and wonder: “But do they? Does everyone have that potential?” Let’s unpack these words together, and see if I can bring us full circle, back to a space of appreciating what this quote has to offer, and what I believe both the author and myself hope to inspire. 

To begin, I’m not typically a big fan of “always,” or “nevers,” or other words that imply absolutes—those “all or nothings.” But I understand their use, and often include them in my own writing. When we’re trying to get a point across, they create more of an impact than words such as “most,” or “many.” Yet absolutes tend to feed limiting beliefs, those persistent thoughts we have that create barriers. They can lead a person to believe that they’ll never be able to do or not do something. 

Even words that include everyone, such as “each person” as in our quote above, can be equally limiting if the person reading doesn’t see the quality or characteristic within themselves: “I don’t feel that way, I must be broken.” Or “That doesn’t describe me—what’s wrong with me?” 

Let’s acknowledge that elephant in the room, and move beyond it. I don’t want to dismiss the power of these words by getting caught up in a different conversation. Instead, let’s explore the idea of the “inner elder,” or sage within the heart. That, to me, is much more interesting in this moment.

Why? Well, I’ve been thinking a lot lately about the concept of becoming an elder, and what it means to me. In this process, I’ve noticed a few things. First, not everyone loves the term “elder.” I think this may have to do with people’s previous encounters with the word. For example, if they’ve been exposed to indigenous teachings, people tend to hold the word with more reverence and respect. Others tend to associate the term with becoming older, and all the limits that our culture often places upon aging. 

Second, people are using different terms and phrases to preface their conversations about this stage of life, a trend that is perhaps related to realization number one. I’ve heard or read “becoming an elder or becoming an older,” “age-ing to sage-ing,” “a generative elder,” and “a modern elder.” I’m sure there are others, all designed to bring a more affirming perspective to the conversation. As someone who holds the term in a positive light, I welcome these additions, and—I’m still in process of deciding upon the phrasing I will use moving forward.

Third, becoming an elder is easy to claim but bears a responsibility in truly living the title. In reminds me of the challenge we face in the world of professional coaching: Anyone can call themselves a coach, even those who have no professional training or experience. But calling yourself a coach and being a professionally trained and certified coach are two very different things. The same holds true for calling yourself and elder and being an elder. Not that I think being an elder requires professional training necessarily, but it does ask for an intentional reflection on what personally bestows upon you the honor of being seen as an elder. As Michael Meade notes, “Everyone gets older but not everyone gets wiser, and the elders are those who get wiser from their own failures and their own woundings and their own awakenings.”

Finally, a reflection on my own journey to claim the title of elder. As much as I already see myself as an elder, I am still in the process of fully creating and living my truly authentic elderhood, of moving beyond the title and making my life an intentional testament to that designation. I am actively engaged in awakening myself to the sage within my heart, that wisdom-bearing aspect of self that has been there all along, waiting for me to be ready. 

My awakening involves an intentional sifting through and letting go of roles and labels that have served me in the past—saying goodbye to one life in order to birth myself into another. It involves an honest reflection on the gifts and passions that will shape my unique elderhood. I find that engaging in these necessary tasks creates a shift, almost naturally discerning and prioritizing my authentic and creative self. I’m excited to fully embrace this innermost sage that will serve to guide me in this transition to what will be.  

Regardless of whether or not each person will have a similar experience, I believe there are many who will reach a point in life when they seek to offer themselves as a wise mentor, as a trusted elder. It is my hope that those that do will take the time to fully engage with the sage within their own heart, and prepare for that role with the thoughtful consideration it deserves.

Until then…

Keep sparkling!

Marta