“They may be calls to do something or calls to be something. They may be calls towards something or away from something; calls to change something, review our commitment to it, or come back to it in an entirely new way; calls towards whatever we’ve dared and double-dared ourselves to do for as long as we can remember.”

(Gregg Levoy, Callings, p.3)

My previous blog post ended with a question posed to you, the reader: How are you called to become more and more yourself? But, as is often the case, questions asked to others prompt the asker to consider the same words. In doing so I returned to the Georgia O’Keeffe quote that anchored my first blog post from this summer: “I have done nothing all summer but wait for myself to be myself again.”

It was, indeed, a summer of going to ground—a time of resting and waiting and listening for the inner voice of self & psyche to make itself heard. Autumn came, and I ventured forth, offering myself once again to my work and the difference I feel called to make in the world.

“Not yet,” psyche whispered, and I realize that my impatience had shadowed the roots of my call. As Gregg Levoy shared, sometimes the call is “towards whatever we’ve dared or double-dared ourselves to do,” and in looking back I’ve realized that was exactly it. Not one, but two calls—calls to continue to nurture and birth writings I had already begun.

Two books requesting my attention and asking to be completed—one on the practice of living a truly authentic second half of life and the other on soul-centered coaching. The first expands a paper I wrote during my first year of my doctoral studies, the second builds upon my dissertation research: Both are topics near and dear to my heart, and my soul.

Both have continued to tug at me, calling me to return and nurture them into fully formed works. This call, as calls often do, became impatient and spilled forth in a sudden flash of understanding, bidding me to answer or risk never being asked again. And so, I write.

Yet the call also offered me an insight to sustain my time away, an understanding that the work I offer to the world flows from this writing. I have been attempting to create learning & coaching experiences, only to now realize that they are only half formed without the writing to provide the foundation.

In order to become more and more myself, this is a call I must answer. Yet, it is a complicated call—one I have resisted, even as I dared myself to return to it over and over again. As a coach, the idea of writing a book—a resource not woven within a coaching partnership, is a challenging task. I have not yet fully made peace with this internal struggle, but have learned over the years to trust in psyche, and psyche beckons me to follow this path. And so, I turn to this task of writing, trusting that a reconciliation between my call to coach and my call to write will emerge.

For now, I will continue to provide mentor coaching: formal mentor coaching for ICF coaches seeking ACC or PCC certification or recertification, and mentor coaching in the areas of psychological type, and design & facilitation. I will continue to write my blog. But—my learning & coaching experiences have been paused until the writing is complete and the foundation is in place.

I am excited and attentive as I enter into this new experience of myself, unsure of the how it will unfold but knowing that I will become more and more myself in the process. It is the journey that shapes me, not the outcome, and so I trust in the whisper of inner knowing and finally answer the call. Until next time...

Keep sparkling!

Marta